What to do if your sex partner d!es in your home
The worst nightmare of any single and sexually active person is for a partner whom they invited over to their house for sexual bonding or sex to die.
It would be like the end of the world because no one would believe they had no hand in the death of the person. The eyes of judgment would question the motive of daring to ask a sex partner to sleep over after sexual intercourse.
But, there are several other unanswered questions. What if their sex partner died right before there was even a chance to bond well enough for any sexual intercourse? What if their sex partner was sick and hid the illness and gave up the ghost minutes after stepping into their house? What if their sex partner had some hidden allergies that the house made apparent? What if it was just sudden, like a cardiac arrest, or a stroke that happened to their sex partner?
A lot of what-ifs but very few answers.
A young nutritionist, Joshua Akinde, stated that he had had a ‘near-death’ experience, where his ex came to his house and almost lost her life had he not rushed her to the hospital.
“That night, we didn’t even do anything. She came from work to help me cook because I was not feeling too well. I didn’t know she had just taken a drug overdose. Late at night, she started jerking and a foamy substance was coming out of her mouth. By the time I could know what was happening, she stopped moving.
“I was so scared that I started shouting. My neighbours gathered and a woman suggested we pour her water first. I did and she coughed but was still unconscious.
“That night, I had to manage to take her to a hospital. I only had a pair of boxers on, and I didn’t even realise until I got to the hospital; I was so confused. What would I have told her people about what happened to their daughter?
“Who would have believed that we didn’t even have sex? Everyone would think I was too hard on her during intercourse and she died. You know how social media can be,” he said.
He added that, from that day, he swore never to let any romantic partner sleep over at his house.
“We either meet in an open place, go to a hotel, or simply not meet physically at all,” he added.
Having a partner die in one’s house can be such a tragic situation. It can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remain calm and take the necessary steps to handle the situation responsibly.
Here are seven practical ways to handle that kind of situation should it happen.
Assess the situation quickly
A legal practitioner, Mrs Selena Onuoha, said the individual who is alive should first ensure he is safe, adding that being alone can trigger irrational thinking that may lead to breaking the law.
“First, ensure your safety and well-being. If you’re alone, call for help immediately by dialing emergency services (such as 112 or 911 in Nigeria) to report the incident,” she said.
A developmental psychologist and occupational safety expert, Mr Solomon Oghe, said making a mental assessment of the situation by trying to resuscitate the person after calling for help was a good way to start.
“If you notice the person who came to your house alive has suddenly died, don’t just keep quiet and start looking for ways to run away. Shout, and cry for help while trying all you can to resuscitate the person. It may be that they have fainted or are in deep sleep. You never can tell.
“If indeed they are dead, more heads can make a rational, more critical decision,” he said.
Don’t tamper with the scene
Onuoha said, legally, tampering with the scene, which she described as a ‘potential crime scene’ might be a bad move.
“If the deceased was naked when you found out she was dead, leave they like that. Don’t try to cover what doesn’t need covering. Don’t push, shove, hide, try to clean, carry or move anything around the crime scene. This will enable investigators to be able to do a thorough job to determine if the person died from natural causes or was killed either by you or someone else,” she said.
Another lawyer, Ben Saviour-Uche, said, “Avoid touching or moving anything in the vicinity of the deceased, as it may interfere with the investigation later on. Preserve the scene as much as possible until law enforcement arrives.”
Get help, fast!
Do not conclude a person is dead except a doctor from a recognised hospital says otherwise.
Oghe stated that, sometimes, in the course of events, the partner may simply assume that since the pulse was no longer working, the person would be dead.
“This may not be the case. Let the doctors do their job and take it from there. Don’t jump the gun,” he added.
A medical practitioner, Dr Cletus Pepple, also speaking, said a lot of people had made the mistake of declaring a person dead before they actually died.
“Only certified medical practitioners can declare a person dead and record the time of death, not neighbours, not friends, not first aiders, not paramedics,” he stressed.
Call the police, get a lawyer
Onuoha said informing the authorities should be done right after help had been sought.
She said, “Provide the emergency dispatcher with accurate information about the location, the circumstances of the death, and any relevant details about your partner, such as their identity and medical history.
“Do not hold back any information but do so only with the presence of a lawyer. A lawyer is very crucial at this point because they would help navigate the legal fireworks that may come up during the interrogations.
“We have seen cases where people are just victims of being at the wrong place at the right time and they are made to pay for crimes they know nothing about. A lawyer would be able to advise you on the next step to take,” she added.
Oghe, however, said cooperating with law enforcement agents does more good for the individual in question.
He said, “When the police arrive, in the presence of a lawyer, answer their questions truthfully and provide any assistance they require. Be prepared to provide identification and answer questions about your relationship with the deceased.”
Contact family, friends
Notifying the deceased’s family members or next of kin about what happened is the next thing to do.
This is why, according to Oghe, people should not date people if they are not ready to have family members or friends aware.
“Anything can just happen and you’d need someone to call. Times like this are when you realise that making sure friends or family members of your partner are aware of your relationship is a big good.
“When you inform the family of the tragedy in the most empathetic way you can, please, offer them support and comfort during this difficult time, and assist them in making necessary arrangements. If they decide to sue, please, cooperate with them.
Follow legal procedures
Depending on the circumstances of the death, law enforcement may conduct an investigation or order an autopsy to determine the cause of death.
Cooperate with authorities and follow any legal procedures required.
Onuoha stressed that the state, police, or even the family of the deceased might decide to sue, adding that a coroner’s inquest might also be set up.
“Getting a good lawyer at this time cannot be overemphasised,” the lawyer added.
Seek support
Coping with the sudden loss of a loved one can be emotionally challenging. Therefore reaching out to friends, family, or a trusted counselor for emotional support and guidance during this difficult time could be helpful.
Oghe said, “If the death is determined to be from natural causes or accidental, the authorities may conclude their investigation without further action.
“If foul play or suspicious circumstances are suspected, law enforcement may launch a more extensive investigation, which could lead to legal proceedings or charges against individuals involved.
“The deceased’s family may seek legal counsel to address any concerns or questions they have regarding the circumstances of the death or to pursue any necessary legal actions.
“In any case, it’s essential to approach the situation with sensitivity, compassion, and a willingness to cooperate with authorities to ensure that the necessary steps are taken to handle the situation appropriately.”
