Two Women Who Left Men for Same-Sex Relationships Share Their Stories
Are women leaving their male partners for women? According to one podcaster, it’s more common than you think.
A snippet from a discussion between host Lauryn Evarts Bosstick and former model Jennifer Stano has gone viral on TikTok (@thehimandhershow), garnering more than 573,000 views.
During the clip, Stano, an entrepreneur, opens up about leaving her ex-husband, Alki David, a billionaire Coca-Cola heir, and pursuing a relationship with a woman. Now, almost 10 years later, she is married to Danielle Tortorello.
Newsweek reached out to clinical psychologist Dr. Frankie Bashan, who is also an LGBTQ+ relationship expert, to learn more about why some women may leave a heterosexual relationship for a same-sex one. We also spoke to a woman who did exactly that.
According to research, Gen Z women have the highest rate of bisexual identification, with over 20 percent identifying as such, compared to 9% of millennial women. Gen Z men are more likely to identify as bisexual than gay, while millennial men are evenly split between bisexual and gay identities. Older LGBTQ+ men predominantly identify as gay. Overall, the percentage of U.S. adults identifying as non-heterosexual has more than doubled since Gallup’s first survey in 2012.
During the podcast, Stano explains how her marriage was failing, but she was curious about women, so she discussed pursuing a woman with her ex.
Newsweek reached out to Stano via email.
According to a recent survey of 191 Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® professionals from across North America, the three leading causes of divorce are “basic incompatibility” (43%), “infidelity” (28%), and “money issues” (22%).
“The connection was undeniable,” she said when talking about how she spoke to Tortorello, her dog groomer, on a more than professional level. The women have been together ever since, and she describes it as having “a best friend plus someone she is attracted to” during the podcast.
Hundreds of users have chimed in, sharing their experiences.
“This is right on time. A very serious relationship ended abruptly last year, and my desire to date another man has vanished. I want true, real emotional depth that I think only women are truly capable of,” said one user. Another wrote: “I did, and it was the best decision I could’ve made for myself.”
Expert Opinion: Why Are Women Leaving Men?
Bashan, the founder of the matchmaking site Little Gay Book, from Oakland, California, told Newsweek: “We are seeing an increase in women leaving men for women because there is far less stigma around LGBTQ+ relationships today. More than ever before, women feel the freedom to explore and embrace their true desires without fear of societal rejection. As same-sex relationships become more widely accepted, the possibility of pursuing a meaningful and fulfilling partnership with another woman feels more possible than ever and something to be realistically considered for some.”
Bashan points out that most women are seeking quality connections—ultimately to feel seen, understood and heard.
“When a woman leaves a man for a same-sex relationship, it’s often because she has developed an attraction to a friend,” she said. “The combination of an existing friendship and newfound attraction can be incredibly compelling. With an established bond already in place, the added layer of romantic or physical attraction feels natural, stemming from the comfort, trust and joy already present in the relationship.”
She explained that it is common for women to feel frustrated with the lack of emotional connection and depth in conversation with men. This can lead to a feeling that something is missing in the relationship.
‘It’s Easier Being With a Woman’
Newsweek also spoke to Mandy, who commented on the clip. She wrote: “Broke up with my boyfriend and then went straight to Bumble to experiment and see if I liked women. Now we’ve been dating for two years.”
She was in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend for almost a year, but his lifestyle led to their breakup.
“I just started getting the ick,” Mandy from North Carolina told Newsweek via email. “He had no motivation to move up career-wise, which just turned me off.”
Mandy, who is in her 20s, decided to download a dating app, but switched the preference to females only.
“It just so happens that the first girl I ever experimented with is my girlfriend of two years,” she said.
Mandy praises her partner for being understanding.
She said, “Being in a relationship with a girl, there are definitely a lot more emotions and communication involved. Whereas before, I would just shut down and not talk about my feelings. I used to have a fight-or-flight response, and if something upset me, I would just walk out.”
“I think women are leaving men to be with women because women are so independent now, and men are losing their masculinity. I mean, I see men who don’t want to care for or provide for their women anymore. They want to keep it 50/50 or even be provided for, which is what I experienced in my last relationships.
“Finding a good man is hard to come by nowadays. I still find men attractive, but I am so happy with my relationship. If anything were to happen with my girlfriend, I don’t believe I would even go back to men. If I ever did, he would have to be some real Prince Charming.
“It’s also easier being with a woman. My girlfriend is literally my best friend.”
