10 Questions a Christian Man Should Ask Himself Before Making a Marriage Proposal
Deciding whether to marry a woman is one of the biggest decisions a man will ever make. Here are 10 questions, along with corresponding Bible passages, a Christian man should ask himself before making a marriage proposal (click here for the corresponding article for Christian women; all Scripture quotations from the English Standard Version):
1. Is she a Christian who has overall excellent character, along with a consistent desire to love and honor God in all things?
“And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.” (Ruth 3:11)
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout
is a beautiful woman without discretion. (Prov. 11:22)
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness. (Prov. 31:25-27)
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Prov. 31:30)
Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. (1 Tim. 2:9-10)
Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things. (1 Tim. 3:11)
2. Do we encourage each other to grow in faith and holiness as we both die to the old self and live unto God?
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. (2 Cor. 4:16)
Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God. (2 Cor. 7:1)
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (Eph. 4:25-27)
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:1-4)
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” (1 Pet. 1:14-16)
3. Am I prepared to provide spiritually and financially for her, in so far as I am able, until death parts us?
The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. (Gen. 2:15)
The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing,
while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. (Prov. 13:4)
For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. (2 Thess. 3:10-12)
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Tim. 5:8)
4. Am I ready and willing to honor and lay down my life for this sister in Christ as Jesus has laid down his life for me?
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Eph. 5:25-31)
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Eph. 5:33)
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Pet. 3:7)
5. Am I committed to always being faithful to her, even during the most difficult circumstances of life, until death parts us?
And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.” (Gen. 2:22-23)
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love. (Prov. 5:18-19)
“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:28)
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matt. 19:3-6)
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1 Cor. 7:1-2)
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Heb. 13:4)
6. Do we love and enjoy each other?
Come, my beloved,
let us go out into the fields
and lodge in the villages;
let us go out early to the vineyards
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love. (Song of Songs 7:11-12)
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Col. 3:19)
And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Tit. 2:4-5)
7. Since there is wisdom in many counselors, do my believing family and friends think our relationship would make a healthy, God-honoring union for marriage?
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exod. 20:12)
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. (Prov. 1:7)
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. (Prov. 12:15)
Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. (Prov. 15:22)
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. (Prov. 19:20-21)
8. Is she willing to respectfully submit to my authority and judgment as the head of the family, “as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18), even when we disagree with each other?
The wisest of women builds her house,
but folly with her own hands tears it down. (Prov. 14:1)
It is better to live in a desert land
than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. (Prov. 21:19)
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. (Prov. 25:24)
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Cor. 11:3)
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands. (1 Pet. 3:3-4)
9. Am I willing to joyfully participate with her in a God-honoring sexual relationship throughout our life together as health and life circumstances permit?
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine. (Song 1:2)
How beautiful and pleasant you are,
O loved one, with all your delights!
Your stature is like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters.
I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its fruit.
Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine. (Song 7:6-9)
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor. 7:3-5)
10. Are we in agreement to raise our children in the grace and mercy of Christ?
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. (Ps. 103:13)
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Prov. 22:6)
But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt. 19:14)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4)
