What I learnt in 50 years marriage to military officer – Octogenarian
Wife of a former naval commodore and envoy to Mozambique and Swaziland, Omolaso Adegbite, takes TEMITOPE ADETUNJI on a captivating journey through her humble beginnings in Abeokuta, Ogun State, to when she interfaced with dignitaries on the international stage. The octogenarian also opens up about her thriving business, the values that sustained her marriage, and how she seamlessly balanced her husband’s Islamic faith with her Anglican background
How would you describe your childhood experiences or influences that shaped the person you are today?
I was born on November 11, 1943, in Ogun State, specifically Igbein, Abeokuta, where I spent most of my childhood. I attended St. John’s Primary School in Abeokuta for my primary education and later went to Anglican Girls Grammar School for secondary school. I grew up with my mother, who worked as a trader, and we lived a simple yet fulfilling life.
I helped her transport goods to the Itoku Market, where she sold items to earn a living. Afterwards, my siblings and I took on various responsibilities; sometimes I cooked, often preparing Egusi soup, which my mother loved. Our meals together, eaten from the same bowl, were always moments of bonding, despite the hustle and challenges.
Once I completed secondary school, I taught for a year. At that time, teaching didn’t require extensive training, so I quickly found myself in front of a classroom. Later, I worked at a clothing store called Esquire on Lebanon Street, Ibadan, Oyo State, before eventually moving to Lagos. These experiences were crucial in shaping me and taught me resilience and the value of hard work.
I have a unique skill in cooking different dishes, but there is one particular soup I excel at cooking – Gbure Oloboro, or waterleaf soup. While many mistake it for similar vegetable soups, mine has a distinctive taste that everyone in my family loves.
When did you get married?
I got married on October 30, 1963, which was also my husband’s birthday. It was a special day for both of us, and I had just turned 20 that November, so I was indeed a blushing bride. My husband was a naval officer, and his career took us to various places.
From 1972 to 1974, we lived in Newport, Rhode Island, USA, where he attended the Naval War College. During that time, I hosted breakfast events and organised potlucks for the officers and their wives. Between 1974 and 1976, we lived in Calabar, where my husband served as the Naval Officer Commanding East. This role made me the Chairperson of the Naval Officers’ Wives Association in the Eastern Region.
From 1977 to 1981, my husband was posted to New Delhi, India, as the Nigerian Defence Adviser. We were allowed to take a maximum of four children, so we took the last three, and I gave birth to another child in November 1977 and we named her Indira Gandhi.
After my husband’s retirement in 1983, he became an ambassador to Mozambique and Swaziland in 1984 and we all returned to Nigeria in 1987. I was exposed to many conferences, meetings, dinner parties, and the finer things in life as an ambassador’s wife.
On our return, I ventured into several businesses, including setting up a catering institute called Bisco Sholly and becoming a distributor for Guinness and Coca-Cola. I could venture into business due to the knowledge gathered while attending the Delhi Institute of Management, India, during my husband’s posting.
How did you meet your husband?
We met through a cousin, Olasumbo Omogbemi. At first, I thought he was too old and not tall enough, but I changed my mind when I saw how kind he was and how dapper he looked in his navy uniform. At that time, women weren’t allowed in the Navy quarters, so we had to wear caps to disguise ourselves when visiting the officers. My husband was a lover of life; he enjoyed going out and frequently took me to the cinemas to watch movies, as well as visit clubs to dance and celebrate in Lagos. These outings created fond memories for us, and I always cherished the time we spent together.
When our children came along, life shifted a bit. Our life abroad was full of rich experiences, especially in India and Mozambique, where I learned to speak Portuguese.
We made many friends, hosted tea parties for diplomats’ wives, and celebrated Nigerian Independence Day with other African families.
Can you tell me more about your husband and your relationship?
Our relationship was deeply rooted in respect and faith. While I was born into a devout Anglican family, I embraced Islam after marriage. We observed the Ramadan fast together and celebrated Ileya as a family. We respected each other’s beliefs. I continued to attend church events, and he, being a devout Muslim, never stopped me. In fact, I even performed the Hajj pilgrimage while we were in India. His liberal views on religion made our life together harmonious.
My husband retired as a Commodore in the Navy – equivalent to a Brigadier General in the Army. By the time he became a commander, we enjoyed many benefits, including having a driver, cook, and maid. However, we often opted for monetary allowances rather than a maid, and I managed the home with minimal help. Our family grew to include six children—three boys and three girls—all of whom are graduates. We are blessed with 17 grandchildren.
What qualities did you admire in your husband?
My husband was a man of integrity, faithful, honest, and deeply committed to his family. He truly loved his children and was a true abiyamo tooto. Their friends would often come over during the holidays, sometimes jokingly asking for a free meal, and he never hesitated to welcome them. We shared many joyful moments together. Even when he returned home late from an outing, we would laugh about his stealthy attempts to enter the house unnoticed. I admired his sense of humour, unwavering faith, and dedication to our family. He earned my trust completely, as he would always inform me of his whereabouts before going out.
What were your experiences like abroad?
Living abroad gave us a unique perspective on life, especially during our time in India and Newport, Rhode Island. In India, we only ate goat meat and fish since cows weren’t allowed to be slaughtered. Shopping there was memorable as every store treated you like royalty, offering refreshments such as Limca or Gold Spot—a customer service practice I wish Nigerians would adopt.
In Newport, we faced racism, which was common in those times, but we also found kindness in unexpected places. Despite the challenges, our life abroad was fulfilling. I’m grateful for the lessons we learned and the adventures we had during those years.
What were some of your proudest achievements?
My proudest achievement is my children. Honestly, if anyone called me a billionaire today, I would agree because my children are my billions.
After your husband’s retirement in 1984 and his passing, how did you navigate life without him as your closest companion?
We were always together before he died. Most of my friends and even my children referred to me as “me and my husband.” He never had to tell me to pack my clothes for a trip; I was already accustomed to it. After he passed, I had to handle many things on my own, like paying for electricity and other household tasks. He used to manage all those responsibilities and had warned me that I would miss him because I was dependent on him.
What made your marriage last so long before he passed?
Our marriage would have been 50 years the year he passed. He was a very faithful man, and whenever he went somewhere, I trusted him completely. We often joked about it, but I believed in him, and we laughed together. That trust was essential. Another important aspect was our understanding of our roles; he was the head of the home, and that was sacrosanct. He cared for me immensely in return. In fact, I would say he spoiled me.
How did you find the strength to move on?
After he passed, I stopped working. I had a shop in front of the house, but I couldn’t focus on it anymore, so we rented it out. It was hard to concentrate without him.
Raising six children who all became graduates is no small feat. What values did you and your husband instil in them that shaped their lives?
My husband was a disciplinarian, so they fell in line as military children. Their dad was the bad cop, and I was the good cop, but they didn’t know I was the Rear Admiral encouraging the Commodore. I guess they will know now. We taught them to be independent and not to rely on anyone. We made sure they avoided bad company and focused on their studies. Today, they are happy and supportive of each other. We also encouraged them to be very respectful to others.
You’re also a grandmother to 15 grandchildren. How has that influenced your life?
I am so proud of them. Most of them are grown; out of the 15, 11 are either graduates or in university. They don’t bother me at all, and they always check in on me, calling to ask how I’m doing and telling me I’m doing well. It makes me happy.
How does it feel to be a grandmother at this stage in your life?
I feel so happy; I will be 81 next month. Not every mother achieves this. It’s important to start early in life by teaching children the difference between right and wrong, so they can learn and focus on their future.
You’ve also faced significant challenges, like losing your vision. How has this affected your daily life?
I’ve learned that I can’t move around as much as I used to. My legs ache now too, but I don’t feel bad about it. My children are always around me, and they don’t let me feel like I’m missing anything. I’m fine, really. I have had a great life and no regrets.
Looking back, what are some of your fondest memories of being part of the Naval Officers’ Wives Association?
I remember the camaraderie among the wives. Some have passed away, but we used to do everything together, like going out to buy fresh fish from the waterside market and shopping at Leventis, UTC, and Kingsway. We enjoyed ourselves and supported one another.
Out of all your life and career achievements, which do you consider the most significant?
The most significant is my children. Seeing them and hearing from them makes me happy. Life isn’t all about money; it’s the little things that matter.
What are you grateful to God for?
As I turn 81 next month, I have so much to be grateful to God for. First and foremost, I’m thankful for the gift of life and the good health I have enjoyed over the years, despite some challenges. I am blessed with six wonderful children who have all grown into successful individuals, and they have given me 17 beautiful grandchildren. I’m grateful for the love and support my family continues to show me, especially after the loss of my dear husband.
I’m also thankful for the experiences I’ve had throughout my life, living abroad, meeting new people, and witnessing different cultures. Even though I have lost my vision and face some limitations, I’m surrounded by family who ensure I never feel alone or lacking. God has been faithful in giving me the strength to overcome life’s challenges, and for that, I am deeply thankful.
As a woman who has led in various capacities, what advice do you have for women seeking to balance family, career, and leadership roles?
No matter what career or job you pursue as a woman, always make sure to create time for your husband and children. Many career women nowadays don’t take proper care of their children, which is why you see some children roaming the streets or becoming a nuisance due to a lack of care. Women should be available to care for their families.
